I spend a lot of time thinking about fear. In fact, no that is all I seem to think about these days.

It seems to be such an integral part of decision…the positives’ and negatives’ calculations of our most basic and instant choices. Inescapable on any front of consciousness; even ahuman machines don’t experience the emotion, but show all the signs of its significance. It is the key to survival, it is what drapes this world in despair. That despair though is the continuation of life…every risk and fight against those fears is another expression of an individuals unique existence.

I can’t begin to understand where fear truly situates itself. It seems to always be hidden underneath a tanglewood brush of thought and chemical changes in my brain.

I used to separate emotions into a sphere of romantic idealization. I guess I can thank the age of scientific psychological brain scans for patternizing and sterilizing what once was it’s own entity of infinite involvement in life. Never the less, I can’t forget it.

Fear I understand in the realm of what is written serves no purpose. I am so unlikely to be heard by anyone in the web because I am not a large corporation, a large entity with power to advertise my thoughts. We as simple individuals on this interface of vividry have become the losing side of the war. There are so many of us now communicating that we have blocked ourselves out from being noticed. The opinion, quality or power of a piece of expression no longer is of importance: instead it is a war won through sheer volume amongst the buzz of individuals.

But fear…I can’t decide where it helps and where it hurts. I do remember seeing a video of David Lynch saying that anxiety acts like a rubber suit…it restricts all movements. Most certainly I can see it in its largest form as an impediment in my writing.

I’m aware of how disjointed, unrefined and unstructured this post is. However, I feel I am at a level of incapability due to sitting amongst choices. It has been 5 years of this trend…but I am forced to settle with whatever comes out.


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